Why I Hate Valentine’s Day
(If you love it, are happily partnered, and are looking forward to celebrating, this post is not for you! Genuinely, don't read this. I do not want you to adopt my POV if V-day feels good for you!)
It wreaks of capitalism.
V-day is a $20 BILLION industry!!! That’s mind-boggling! We should be treating our loved ones (and liked ones!) with kindness and deep understanding every day! Not one day per year that Hallmark capitalizes on.
The origins are questionable at best.
V-day came out of gatherings in Rome where men picked women’s names out of a hat to couple up with for that night or longer. (Okay on second thought, that could sound like a great, queer, kink party I may want to go to but I can’t imagine all of those women were enthusiastically consenting!)
It promotes a false hierarchy: Partnership is good, normal, and preferable. (Hint: that's not true.)
If you’re not partnered, you may be using Valentine’s day as a marker to evaluate your personal success by whether or not you are in a relationship. I believe success in a dating context is about having the courage to go after what you want. Success does NOT equal partnership.
It lacks creativity.
Non-monogamy is based on a foundation built by the people involved in the relationship. I adore non-monogamy for this reason. Our relationship rules and agreements are explicitly discussed, and decided on by us.
V-day fees like its been handed to us in a very particular way with a very particular connotation (chocolates, roses, romantic dinner for two, etc.) It provides an easy way out. A script completely independent from the actors inhabiting it.
So what can we do instead?
First of all, if your partner is a slut for V-day in this traditional way, I’m not looking to throw a monkey wrench into your plans. I think it’s beautiful to support what it is that your partner loves, so if their love is stronger than your animosity, this might be a good time to compromise and do what they want.
But the next time I’m partnered I’d like to flip it on it’s head.
I like to build things from the ground up in the exact way that feels best for everyone involved. If we talk about V-day and decide it feels good for us to celebrate it, that’s great! But it’s the assumption that we have to that feels off to me. AND the assumption that there is a right way to celebrate.
Alternative ideas if you're partnered
If you're sticking with V-day:
All gifts we exchange need to be entirely hand made.
All gifts need to be purchased from small business owners
Gifts need to include one inside joke, one memory, and a nod to our favorite sex position.
Gifts need to be purchased from a place that donates a percentage of proceeds.
Gifts need to be something you do with your friends, not each other.
If you're switching it up:
Pick a new day (ex- March 7th or the 3rd Sunday in Feb, etc.) and decide on a new tradition. (ex-Sex Day- we HAVE to switch up our sex life on that day each year or Stranger Day- we have to go out and pretend that we’re strangers who met at a bar and see how thoroughly we can convince the staff of that scenario--and see if we can score free dessert.
Pick a month to play with and within that month you have to plan a surprise for your partner.
You get the point. Be creative!
The possibilities are endless.
So, ultimately, you do you.
But really, do you.
Do what feels good and aligned for you. Make your own traditions and get creative. Don’t just follow what you’ve been taught is the right way to spend the 14th.
