What Can We Learn From Zac Clark?
*Disclaimer: Obviously reality TV is edited to play with our emotions and there is no way we can really know Zac or Tayshia from watching The Bachelorette. I sing Zac’s praises in this article and also understand we are seeing a beautiful but narrow view of him in the show. I’m sure he has flaws as we all do, but let’s take some time to learn from his strengths!
Zac showed himself as an eloquent, emotionally intelligent, mature human last night on The Bachelorette. He wound up, deservingly, proposing to Tayshia at the end of it all, and she said yes!
(Side note- for those of you that don’t know, this was the first time in my life I have ever watched a full season of The Bachelorette. Not quite sure this will be the type of content I make in the future or if I’ll ever watch again, but here we are! I was IN IT!)
Just before the proposals, a bunch of us were like, “DUH, IT NEEDS TO BE ZAC,” and we are right. So I want to pick apart some of the qualities we all saw in Zac that made us become the heart-eyes emoji. In this way, we can learn from him and apply it to our own dating and love lives.
Zac showed a tenacity for hard conversations: When Tayshia voiced her concerns about loyalty and the “what if I evolve into someone you didn’t sign up for?” argument, Zac stayed steady. He stayed on her. We never heard him say, “So what are you saying?” “Do you not want to be with me?” He stayed focused on what he could do to alleviate her fears, not what he could do to protect himself in the moment.
Zac is amazing at reading what’s going on with Tayshia. Tayshia said, “You read me better than anyone ever has” at the proposal, and this is key. Learning to read each other, to pick up on the micro-movements in someone else’s face, is crucial in making someone feel loved. But reading alone isn’t enough. You then need to voice what you’re seeing, to ask thoughtful questions about what the other person is experiencing. If Zac could only read Tayshia, but did not express what he was seeing, she'd never know he was reading her! Both parts are so important.
Zac is a great listener, and isn’t afraid to show it! “The other night you said_____”. Zac said this phrase multiple times in last night’s episode. (For those of you who may be reading this without watching The Bachelorette, this was not said in the context of an argument as ammunition on a partner.) It was said with love, with thoughtfulness, with steadiness. With the connotation of, “What you say matters to me. I think about your words when we’re not together. I have thoughts and opinions and I want to know more about what you value and how you feel.” He quoted Tayshia to herself, to reveal what he thinks about when they’re not together.
Zac is masterful at expressing himself in a way that makes other people feel seen. Zac is great at seeing (and expressing!) what’s outside of himself. When Tayshia’s family inquired about why he loved her, he put the focus on Tayshia, he talked about her qualities, and he talked how she talks about her family, looping the conversation back to the people who were asking the questions. (Unlike Ben’s focus solely on how Tayshia makes him feel.)
Zac knows he’ll be okay without her. Zac showed up fully and with love, while also treating Tayshia with gentleness and empathy (re: dance lesson) knowing that she needs to take care of herself first. He knew he would be safe at home with himself regardless of whether things work out between them —even if he smiles less without her around. This underlying key allows Zac to stay present with her instead of getting self-conscious when Tayshia brings up hard conversations and doubts. He is able to speak from the heart and show up in the most encouraging way possible.
I’ll admit, last night made me want my own Zac Clark: someone who is emotionally mature, in tune with themselves, expressive when they read something in me, who is able to withstand difficult conversations, and who brings up things I’ve said the other night because they’ve been thinking about my words, or thinking about me.
So what can we do with that? When we’re all swept up in fantasy and desire about finding *a person* (more rants on that another day), how do we also stay hopeful and optimistic that what’s meant for us will find us? Where do we start?
Become Zac Clark first.
Embody what it is that you want to attract. Take responsibility for how you show up, especially if you are expecting others to show up in a similar way. Focus on treating people the way you want to be treated, and on seeing people the way they want to be seen. When we get better at this, the Zac Clark’s show up, and best of all, we can rest assured knowing we will always one of our own: the stud staring back at us in the mirror.
Ready to start being that stud but don’t know where to start? Get at me.
